i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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