The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
