I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
