She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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