1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just had sex on a roof
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
