Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize