I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
