I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i came on her dog
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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