Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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