Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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