My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
