I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
