Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
