just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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