sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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