Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
