I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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