Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
