Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
