I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
