Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
