My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
