The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
