am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
