i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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