Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
