Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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