How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
