In the future we'll all be gay
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
