You made me cry and you don't even care
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
