As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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