I'm jealous of your bromance
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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