I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
