Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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