You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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