wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
