we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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