Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
