Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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