Need sex. Gaining weight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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