hotel room ftw
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
