My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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