Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize