Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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