i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
