Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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