I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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