saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This toilet bowl is my home.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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