last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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