He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
