True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
