Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
