Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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