About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
