I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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