my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
