This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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