The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
