I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
