So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
