ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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