I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
