i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
