it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
