Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
