i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
