I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize