i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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