last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
